It is the culmination of several minutes of relentless research.
Cassius Marcellus Coolidge is the American artist responsible for the ubiquitous paintings of “dogs playing poker” that have haunted our society since the late 1800s.
But Coolidge (or Kash as he liked to be called) was an artist with a lot more reach than we give him credit for. He also made a painting titled “One to tie Two to winwhich depicts dogs… playing baseball.
I am fortunate enough to own a copy of said painting and it hangs prominently in my living room. It is one of my most prized possessions.
All of this is a roundabout way of saying that the love of dogs and love of baseball is about 90% of my personality.
That’s why I get so excited every year for the annual summer day dog, celebrated on Thursday, June 16 this year at the Nat Bailey Stadium. It’s the only day of the season when all the dogs and their owners are greeted through the stadium gates.
In honor of this sacred day of great significance, I racked my brains to create an all-star, all-time, all-DOG line-up card for the ages. It is the culmination of several minutes of diligent research and I am pleased to present it to you today.
1. LF Greyhound
Batting first and playing from left field, I inserted a Greyhound. I think they have the speed to be a top first hitter and get in the way once on base. With any luck, steal a bag or two. However, I’d also be worried about their defense and arm strength, so I’m going to stick them in left field and hope they don’t make too many mistakes.
2. CF Border Collies
After watching a few play in the park, I think these guys would make great contact hitters. Additionally, their undeniable athleticism would give them the range needed to successfully patrol center field.
3. German Shepherd 3B
Third in the batting order is traditionally where you place your best hitter. Someone with a high batting average who doesn’t hit much and has the ability to hit baseball hard every night. I don’t know about you, but when I look at German Shepherds, I see a pure hitter.
4. 1B Newfoundland
The cleanup hitter. For this, I wanted a big dog with the power to swing over fences. Just a big lovable hunker with the strength of many men. I give you, the newfie.
5. RF Standard Poodle
Modern sabermetric baseball theories tell us that the 5th and 6th batters should have high on-base percentages. Poodles are very intelligent and I think they would have a very keen eye on the plate. Plus, my gut tells me they’d have the arm strength to take down a runner going home.
6. Jack Russell Terrier 2B
No idea what kind of hitter these guys would be, but I guarantee they could turn a double play like no one else.
7. S.S. Chihuahua
Granted, I just think it would be cute as hell.
8. Scottish Terrier C
Small, stocky and as still as a cinder block, the Scottie dog is a perfect catcher. However, their small legs would limit their striking abilities, which is why they end up in the 8 hole.
9. P. Rottweiler
I am a National League guy and I always will be. And even though the Universal DH has deprived us of watching Pitchers hit in the majors, this is my fantastic lineup card and I say the pitcher must hit! And as a pitcher, I want a smart dog who doesn’t laugh at him and who can push the ball all night. For me, it’s a Rottie.
So what do you think? Are there any other dog breeds you think should have been on my team? Come chat with me at Nat. I’ll be the one screaming behind home plate!